Haunted Dreams and Hallowed Nightmares

“I’m going home, back to New Hampshire. I’m so determined; I’m so determined.” As a sojourner in CA for eight years, I maintained a certain soundtrack to my life. I listened to songs that reminded me of and made me reflect on home. One of my most-often-played and most-often-listened-to songs was “New Hampshire” by Matt Pond PA—an eerily beautiful song about regret and nostalgia.1 When some people on the West Coast had the audacity to tell me I would never go back, this one line became my prayer, my manifesto, my stubborn anthem that I sang along to. The line resonated with my heart and reinforced my deepest desire. Returning home was my burning passion and most cherished dream.

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Comforting Resources on Grief

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “I can wade grief, whole pools of it, I’m used to that.” On one hand, I can relate as I have been literally wading grief my entire life. I lost my birth mother at two years old and just lost my adoptive mom a year ago. It’s been a constant, lifelong journey—subconscious at times, palpable at others. Yet on the other hand, I can’t quite relate to the last part because grief is not something you get used to in this life. It is ever present—yes—but it is never normalized. Even in the ubiquity of tragedy, we wrestle and reckon with it, but never actually come to grips with it. The hurting and aching following loss will always remain in our hearts on this side of glory. Through the grieving process I’ve found comfort in Scripture and in songs, but I’ve also found it in great books.

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Lessons from a Jarring Year

Pandemic. Revolution. Political polarization. And, oh the memes! With trace levels of dystopia, this year has been a cataclysm of catastrophe, chaos, conspiracy, and civil unrest. But aside from my unmet expectations, constant disappointments, and myriad frustrations, this year hasn’t been explicitly difficult or substantially challenging for me (some things were actually easier). However, there was this underlying uneasiness that persisted as a result of . . . well, change and abnormality.

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The Basis of The Greatest Commandment

The Greatest Commandment (3)

The greatest commandment is a high calling. Loving God with your whole heart, soul, and strength is no easy task. What is the groundwork for such a command? Is this command rooted in our ability to please God and earn his favor? Or is the basis for the command who God is and what he has already done?

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A Seminary Student’s Journey In and Out of Depression

The following is the story of my completely unexpected struggle with depression during my first semester of seminary and the important lessons that I learned along the way. It is much better to be overwhelmed with God than with your circumstances.

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